OBAMA NATION.

This morning America signed, sealed, and delivered a promise that has been over two hundred years in the making. That promise is called Barack Obama.

Although there were many remarkable moments during today’s festivities (highlights of my friends’ Inauguration Brunch included El Presidente beer, Mac’s American flag sweater, and a “Happy Inauguration To You” sing-a-long ’round an Obama-faced cake) , there were a few televised memories that are sticking with me for life.

In case you were somehow living in a hole (or at work in a cubicle), here’s what you missed, in no particular order:

-Aretha Franklin’s infant-sized cranial sculpture that looked vaguely like a bow. 

-Poet Elizabeth Alexander, who so kindly gave us the option to “[walk] past each other, [catch] each other’ eyes… or not.”  With all the perverts in this city, I’m going with not.

-Reverend Joseph Lowery’s assertion that “brown can stick around” and “yellow will be mellow.” As idealistic as that may be, the actual saying goes, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow; if it’s brown, flush it down.” It’s not prejudiced. It’s just sanitary. 

-Dick Cheney.

-Dick Cheney in a wheelchair. I know I’m going to hell for it, but I definitely laughed. My friends started it though, so it’s really not my fault.  

-Michelle Obama in “lemongrass” yellow and jewels before noon.

-Barack Obama’s schoolboy giggle before taking the oath. CNN cut away right after it happened, but in slow motion DVR playback, it definitely looks like Michelle says something right before he places his hand on the Abe Lincoln Bible. I’m secretly hoping it was something naughty. But I’m guessing it was probably more like, “Seriously, B. Don’t f**k this up.” 

-Jill Biden. Nothing says MILF like a short red coat, “bare” gams, and black high-heeled boots in 20 degree weather. Booyah, grandma.

-Rev. Rick Warren’s super-African pronunciation of “Maaaliaaa” and ”Saassshaaa” during the invocation.  All we needed was for Yo-Yo and the gang to tag team it with The Lion King’s “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King,” and the blessing would have been complete.

-G-Dubaliscious’ face as Obama heralded the official commencement of the war on error. 

-The Obamas’ inclusion of their ethnically diverse family in the inauguration ceremony.  According to the New York Times, they boast black, white, Asian, Christian, Muslim, and Jewish relatives. Add to it the Hawaii island connection, and the melting pot is officially complete. Way to represent, Barack: mixing it up, Fegurgur-style. 

Special highlights aside, today’s inauguration marked the movement into an era that promises to be filled with hope and change. If our new president truly does deliver on the promises he set forth today, perhaps we can rise like a phoenix from what some have deemed an eight-year abomination, and emerge as a greatly improved Obama nation. 

Or not.